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Man Time: Have You Heard of This Derek Jeter Guy?
Major League Baseball’s All-Star Game was last night, and you probably didn’t watch, because why would you? It’s a meaningless game, and last night’s affair was mostly about Derek Jeter, and a little...
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10 Things Derek Jeter Can Finally Focus On Now That He’s Retired
Oh hey oh hi! Derek Jeter has been my imaginary boyfriend since I was 16, and now he is finally retiring and will be able to spend more time with me. In the event he doesn’t decide to marry me...
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Quitting Gluten: The 5 Stages Of Grief
People quit gluten for various reasons, including serious digestive disorders, lack of energy, desire for weight loss, and the urge to imitate a celebrity. All of these reasons are valid (I did it...
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Megyn Kelly Knows White Santa Is Real, Has Serious Doubts About Women’s ‘Health’
You know why we can’t have nice things? Today, the reason is Megyn Kelly, the beloved hard-hitting journamalist of Fox “News,” who for some reason my brain cannot comprehend is golden-showered with...
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Let’s Imagine What This Puppy Is Thinking
I don’t know, sometimes I think I want to go to grad school. You know, maybe I really need that MFA to get my writing to the place it should be. And I could teach, right? WHAT WHAT A NOISE WHAT WHERE...
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What Is Really Happening in Gustav Klimt’s ‘The Kiss’?
Gustav Klimt’s “The Kiss” is one of the purtiest paintings of all time. Seemingly depicting a pair of lovers in blissful embrace, it enhances dorm room walls across the world. But what’s really going...
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Man Time: Why You Should Hate Phil Mickelson
The British Open starts today, and Phil Mickelson is the defending champ. That’s him in the photo up above, don’t you just want to punch him in his stupid face? Look at his face, being all punchable....
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HappyNiceTimePeople Is Dead. Long Live HappyNiceTimePeople
For sale, one gently used website. No, Not Terrible Times for Terrible People, idjits. You will pry wonket from our cold dead fingers, because as God is our witness we will never job-search again. No,...
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Weird Al Yankovic Goes All Grammar Nazi With New ‘Blurred Lines’ Parody (Video)
Mr. Alfred Matthew Yankovic has released his ninety-seven gazillionth album, Mandatory Fun, and who are we to suddenly develop “good taste” and not just wallow around in enjoying the mostly amusing...
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‘Christian’ College Wants Special Right To Hate The Gays, Keep Its Tax...
Now that the Supreme Court has decided it is constitutionally okey-dokey to refuse to comply with federal law so long as you SINCERELY do not like that law, guess what is happening. It is amazing. You...
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